From Turtle to Butterfly

Archive for February 2012

I went to church for Celebrate Recovery. Mom went to the funeral home for the wake of the wife of a friend of ours that we used to go to church with. So, I’m in church, singing along with the worship songs and someone taps me on the shoulder. I turned, expecting it to be someone from church needing me for something, but there was this guy that I’ve never seen before. So, my mind is trying to process who he is and why he’s tapping me on the shoulder (all in the space of about a millisecond) and I hear him say, “We’ve got your Mom at the hospital.” Let me just take a second here and say to any men that might be reading this – NEVER start a sentence like that to someone! LOL He went on to say, “She fell and she’s ok but she’s at the emergency room.” See, guys, what he SHOULD have said FIRST was “She’s okay but your Mom fell and she’s at the emergency room.” So, needless to say, I immediately left church and went to the ER to be with Mom.

When I got there she told me what happened. She was leaving the funeral home and, instead of looking down as she was walking like she always does, she was looking up at the cars to make sure she went to the right car. There was a car very similar to hers parked right beside her and she was making sure she went to the right car. That’s why she didn’t see the parking lot curb and she tripped over it. Apparently, just as she fell or right before she fell, a nurse had pulled into the parking lot and parked. Mom said before she could even think about trying to get up or anything that nurse was right there, helping her and getting her situated the way she needed to be. Another couple was there very quick also and was helping her. She said God just had people all around helping her. They brought a chair outside for her to sit in and the nurse told her that the cut on her hand would definitely need stitches and that she may need some in her forehead, too. The couple that had come to help told Mom they could take her to the hospital or they could call an ambulance, whichever she wanted. She said that, if they were sure they didn’t mind, she’d rather just have them take her so she could go on instead of having to wait for an ambulance to get there. Although, she jokingly told them at first that if her glasses weren’t messed up she could just get in her car and drive herself! LOL Turns out that couple were the ones that owned the car right next to Mom’s that looked similar to hers! So she didn’t even have to walk far to get to their car. They took her to the hospital and the lady stayed with Mom while her husband came to get me.

It was a little after 7 when I got to the hospital. I took over holding the gauze to Mom’s head so the lady and her husband could go ahead and leave. Oh – and this lady also works at Baptist Hospital but in Pensacola, not the one in Atmore. She wasn’t a nurse though. Her name was Vanessa and her husband’s name is Mike. He works at EscoFab and apparently goes to Grace Fellowship but I’ve never met him before. You can be sure I will be looking for him Sunday, though! What nice people they are! The nurses name was Nora but that’s all we know. Sure wish I knew her last name and how to get in touch with her to thank her for what she did for my Mom, but I’m not worried about it. God knows who she is and I’ve asked Him to bless her in a way that I would never be able to and I know He will ūüôā

The people in the emergency room were all very nice and treated Mom wonderfully! They cleaned her up as best they could – you know how head wounds bleed really bad even if the wound isn’t all that bad – and there was blood everywhere. The doctor, Dr. Sharp, checked her over good and then they took her to have x-rays and a cat scan done just to be sure everything was okay.

She came back from the x-rays and cat scan and then just had to sit there and wait til the doctor could get back to her to stitch up her head and her hand.¬†He¬†got¬†her head stitched up first – 10 stitches – and then moved to work on her hand. He wasn’t quite sure how he was going to get to it because it is on the side of her left hand where she was trying catch herself where it was cut. He got it figured out and the nurse was standing at Mom’s head, cleaning up where he had put the stitches in and getting ready to put the dressing (bandage) on it. While she was cleaning up Mom’s head, my friend Beth got to the ER. She came and sat with us because she was going to take me to get Mom’s car, once we got Mom settled at home. When Beth and I walked back in where Mom was, I noticed the nurse wasn’t there and I was wondering where she’d gone. Next thing I knew she was back and was behind Mom again, WASHING HER HAIR! Talk about going above and beyond the call of duty – WOW! Her doing that also helped keep Mom’s mind off the doctor stitching up her hand.

All finished and ready to go home – at around 10:00 or a little after – and we were heading out of the emergency room when the nurse (Michelle) that had been helping the doctor made the comment about not living here. I asked her where she lived and she said “Loxley”! I told her that’s where my sister and my baby brother live – turns out she knows my baby brother! It is indeed a small, small world we live in. I told her I would be sure to tell my brother how good she treated our Mom. (And then I promptly forgot to tell him when I called him this morning to tell him what had happened! LOL)

We got Mom home and then Beth took me to the funeral home so I could get Mom’s car and bring it home. Poor Beth had no idea she would be going home SO late last night, but I sure do appreciate her generosity and willingness to be of help. Also want to mention that there was another friend waiting in the emergency room waiting area when we came out last night – Lounette was there to make sure I had a way to go get Mom’s car once I got her home. I truly appreciated that, also.

Neither Mom nor I could go straight to bed when we got home so we were up for a little while. Mom went to her bedroom around 11:00 or a little after and I was finally able to get in bed a little after midnight.

Hezekiah didn’t get to go to bed with his “Mommy” last night and I think he missed her ūüė¶

I think he may be laying “paws” on her hand and praying for her – what do you think?¬†ūüėČ

It was truly a long night, but we are so thankful that God placed so many AMAZING people in my Mom’s path that were so willing to help, even though they didn’t know her at all! As for everyone working¬†in the Atmore¬†Emergency Room, that we had any dealings with last night – Dr. Sharp, Michelle, Jessica N – they were ALL just FAB. U. LOUS!

Before closing, I also have to add that Mom thinks it is quite funny that her foot doctor’s name is Dr. Dull (no kidding) and her doctor last night was Dr. Sharp! Too funny!

Love y’all!

Letting go¬†– I didn’t think I had a problem with this. Seriously, I didn’t. I’ve heard people talk about how hard it was to ‘let go’ of their children when they had to take them to that first day of school but I didn’t have a problem with that at all. Probably because I’ve always had to work so I never had the privilege of being able to stay home with my¬†little one¬†– I was used to having to say goodbye in the morning and not see her again til late that evening. Even when she graduated and went to college two hours away, I didn’t really think of that as having to ‘let go’ either. I mean, it was only two hours away and that’s really not that far in this age that we live in. Not to mention, we had web cam and could ‘visit’ pretty much any time anyway.

I think instances like that is what gave me the false belief that I didn’t have trouble letting go. God, however, has been revealing something much different to me lately. I’ve had to reevaluate some things this year, I thought due to finances, but I’m realizing that was just God’s way of making me take a closer look at things. For the last couple of years, I have volunteered at several women’s events and last year He even allowed me to attend two events as an attendee and not a volunteer. I know¬†He used all¬†those events to stretch me and give me the opportunity to allow Him to slowly move me in the direction He had planned for me. I didn’t see it then; but, I am beginning to see it now. Because He slowly¬†brought me to where I am today, I am more receptive to what He has in store for me. Had I not taken the opportunities¬†He gave me to grow, I know I would never have been able to even think that I could do what He is asking me to do now.

What does all that have to do with me not being able to ‘let go’? It seems that I got ‘comfortable’ working at the women’s events and, in looking back, I think it made me feel ‘accepted’. Something I’ve never felt that much, as anyone who has read my story knows. I am beginning to see that my not being able to volunteer at the events this year¬†was simply¬†His way of showing me that I need to let go of that now and move on to the other things He is calling me to do. As I was cleaning and reorganizing my desk yesterday, I kept coming across different cards and other things¬†I had collected from these events. Things from people¬†I don’t even really know;¬†yet, I believe¬†I kept hanging on to them simply because, in some weird kind of way, it made me feel¬†someone out there cared about me on some level. Yes, I know, I am very strange. The Lord continues to show me just how much I have still, unconsciously, been trying to find acceptance – somewhere, anywhere –¬†it seems I still long for that ever-allusive acceptance. I began to recognize this more and more as I was cleaning and I began to chunk cards, notes, etc. in the trash. It seemed the more I put in the trash, the lighter and freer I began to feel. I could not believe how freeing it was to LET GO!!!

It seemed that with each thing that went in the trash, He brought to my mind something or someone who is¬†close to me¬†and allowed me to realize I AM accepted – and accepted for who I am, just the way I am. And yet, the main thing He made me realize was this: Even if I was never accepted anywhere by anyone, it really isn’t that big of a deal, after all. Why? Because I KNOW that HE LOVES ME and HE ACCEPTS ME just as I am – flaws, scars and all, and He will always be here for me.

The really neat thing about that? HE IS HERE FOR YOU, TOO!!! No matter what you may be going through, no matter how unlovely you may feel or think you are, no matter how worthless you may think you are, you MUST remember this one thing – He would not have given up His life for you unless He loved and cared about you. You ARE special! You ARE accepted! You ARE loveable!

I’m reminded of the words that Anne Graham Lotz shared: He is the Savior who has redeemed me, the Lord who rules my life, The King who will return for me and He is the most important man in the UNIVERSE! He is the God man. Jesus Christ is THE MOST IMPORTANT MAN IN THE UNIVERSE FOR EVER and EVER and EVER and the most important man in ALL the universe for EVER and EVER and EVER thinks that YOU are so important that He gave His own blood to redeem you. He gave His life for you. How can you feel unimportant? You are significant to THE MOST IMPORTANT MAN IN ALL THE UNIVERSE.

So God has given both His promise and His oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to Him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary. ~ Hebrews 6:18-19

This past week was a really hard week for me, filled with so much raw¬†emotion! I may as well have been surrounded by lions and tigers and bears!¬†I really don’t even know where to begin trying to sort it all out. I guess, if I really think about it, it all started on Dec. 29 when I saw this post from an old family friend on facebook: All Prayer Warriors…please please please pray for my nephew.¬† He was in an accident this morning and needs your prayers.¬† Please God, hear these prayers and magnify the healing. Her family and my family used to be pretty close when we (kids) were all younger, so this really hit close to home! (Side note: I was just reminded as I started writing this that Dec. 29 was also¬†the birthday of the sister that posted the prayer request). Of course I immediately began to pray for her nephew, Dusty, and even posted a blog asking others to pray for him, too. You can read that post¬†here. I can’t even begin to explain the URGENCY that filled not only my heart but my ENTIRE being to pray for Dusty and to get as many other prayer warriors praying as I could possibly get.¬†There were¬†days of good news and¬†not-so-good news.¬†Then after our church service last Sunday, January 29 (exactly one month after the accident), I found out that Dusty had gone to be with Jesus earlier that afternoon.

Another factor contributing to my many emotions was,¬†two weeks ago¬†I was asked¬†if I would be willing to¬†share My Story in large group at CR (Celebrate Recovery)¬†in two weeks¬†and I said I would. MAJOR step for me because I can write and let people read what I wrote all day long and it doesn’t bother me – but to have to actually READ what I wrote in front of people is a very scary thing for me. So, I was already feeling a sadness from Dusty’s passing and I was extremely nervous about sharing my story Tuesday night¬†in front of everyone. No big surprise here, but the Lord helped me get through it.

The next thing that had my emotions in such turmoil is going to sound like a very minor thing to most people¬†and, had it happened at another time when my emotions weren’t already so raw,¬†I don’t think it would have had the same effect on me. However, on Wednesday, just before Mom and I left to go to Dusty’s service, I got a notice in the mail that¬†the bank where I have my account,¬†RBC Bank, is going to be changing to PNC Bank on March 5! Since PNC is not going to handle changing all the direct deposit information for their customers, I will have to notify my employer – State of Alabama – of the change and that will result in my direct deposit being interrupted for about two months! More raw emotion in the form of aggravation and exasperation just piled on top of everything else.

I was so honored that I could be at Dusty’s service on Wednesday. How hard it is to understand how an entire church of people¬†can be filled with so much grief and sadness yet at the same time be filled with joy and gladness! I was never given the privilege of actually meeting Dusty on this side of Heaven but how wonderful it was to hear his pastor, family and friends tell of what a fine, Christian young man he was. As much as I, too,¬†felt grief and sadness for his family and loved ones, I also felt much joy and gladness in knowing that I will get to meet him one day on the other side of Heaven.

As if all of that wasn’t enough, right before I left work on Friday, the news was reporting about a Mobile Police Officer being stabbed by¬†a prisoner and that the¬†prisoner¬†had taken the officer’s gun and car. By the time I got home thirty minutes later, the suspect had crashed the car and was hiding (either under or in) a house and had shot two more officers. The news continued to stay on this story, instead of going to regular programming, until around 7:00 p.m. You can get more information on this awful tragedy by checking out Fox 10‘s website. The officer that was stabbed, Officer Steven Green, did not make it and the suspect did not make it out alive either. This just added more feelings of disbelief, hurt and compassion to the week.

I’m reminded of the message from last Sunday morning – Where is God in all this? HE IS RIGHT HERE WITH ME – and, if you’re His child, He’s with you, too! Here’s a question I wrote in my notes from last Sunday morning – How would I respond to situations if I TRULY realized that God is with me even though the circumstances may not show that? Do I tend to get bitter in bad situations or do I make the best of it, KNOWING He is with me? (Psalm 23:4 / II Corinthians 4:16 Genesis 50:20 / Romans 8:28)

I didn’t too well¬†this past week in remembering that as often as I should have. I am, however, glad that He has reminded me of it today as I was working on this post. He reminded me that He has it all under control – even the paychecks – and no matter what happens, HE is with me and I can rest in Him. I have to remember this other note from last week’s message, too: Sometimes instead of taking away the pain, He gives me the promise of His presence. There’s that word again – PROMISE – my word for 2012, which is why I bolded and underlined it. And, no, I DON’T believe in coincidence.

I don’t know if this post was for anyone but me today. It has helped me sort through a lot of things, though, and I am grateful that He reminded me of His presence. In my humanness, it is so easy to forget that He is always there.


If you want to¬†see what having a pure heart for God can do for you, read the following that was posted by Dusty’s mother, Dee Propst, on her Facebook wall today (Monday, Feb. 6, 2012)¬†around noon (posted here with her permission):

¬†We prayed for GOD’S WILL to be done in the hospital. We prayed for God to heal Dusty. We prayed for God to heal Dusty completely and leave Dusty with us. We prayed for strength. We prayed for love, forgiveness, we prayed and God gave us miracle after miracle, after miracle. God is good to us. God showed us love through all of this. Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, Son of God, is in control of everything we do in life. Dusty was borrowed from God 21 + years ago. Jesus needed him back, so when God gets ready for us we will join them in heaven. God is in control of life. God answers prayers, maybe not the way we want or understand, but we have to realize God’s plan is perfect. We accept God and His mercy. We will worship, praise, honor, and give thanks to God because He is Awesome and is in control of all life’s storms.


It is only by the grace and mercy of our Lord, Jesus Christ, that she is able to say those words and truly mean them. If you would like to leave a comment of encouragement for her or let her know how her words ministered to you here, I will see that she gets it.

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