flashthoughts

HE IS WITH ME

Posted on: February 5, 2012

This past week was a really hard week for me, filled with so much raw emotion! I may as well have been surrounded by lions and tigers and bears! I really don’t even know where to begin trying to sort it all out. I guess, if I really think about it, it all started on Dec. 29 when I saw this post from an old family friend on facebook: All Prayer Warriors…please please please pray for my nephew.  He was in an accident this morning and needs your prayers.  Please God, hear these prayers and magnify the healing. Her family and my family used to be pretty close when we (kids) were all younger, so this really hit close to home! (Side note: I was just reminded as I started writing this that Dec. 29 was also the birthday of the sister that posted the prayer request). Of course I immediately began to pray for her nephew, Dusty, and even posted a blog asking others to pray for him, too. You can read that post here. I can’t even begin to explain the URGENCY that filled not only my heart but my ENTIRE being to pray for Dusty and to get as many other prayer warriors praying as I could possibly get. There were days of good news and not-so-good news. Then after our church service last Sunday, January 29 (exactly one month after the accident), I found out that Dusty had gone to be with Jesus earlier that afternoon.

Another factor contributing to my many emotions was, two weeks ago I was asked if I would be willing to share My Story in large group at CR (Celebrate Recovery) in two weeks and I said I would. MAJOR step for me because I can write and let people read what I wrote all day long and it doesn’t bother me – but to have to actually READ what I wrote in front of people is a very scary thing for me. So, I was already feeling a sadness from Dusty’s passing and I was extremely nervous about sharing my story Tuesday night in front of everyone. No big surprise here, but the Lord helped me get through it.

The next thing that had my emotions in such turmoil is going to sound like a very minor thing to most people and, had it happened at another time when my emotions weren’t already so raw, I don’t think it would have had the same effect on me. However, on Wednesday, just before Mom and I left to go to Dusty’s service, I got a notice in the mail that the bank where I have my account, RBC Bank, is going to be changing to PNC Bank on March 5! Since PNC is not going to handle changing all the direct deposit information for their customers, I will have to notify my employer – State of Alabama – of the change and that will result in my direct deposit being interrupted for about two months! More raw emotion in the form of aggravation and exasperation just piled on top of everything else.

I was so honored that I could be at Dusty’s service on Wednesday. How hard it is to understand how an entire church of people can be filled with so much grief and sadness yet at the same time be filled with joy and gladness! I was never given the privilege of actually meeting Dusty on this side of Heaven but how wonderful it was to hear his pastor, family and friends tell of what a fine, Christian young man he was. As much as I, too, felt grief and sadness for his family and loved ones, I also felt much joy and gladness in knowing that I will get to meet him one day on the other side of Heaven.

As if all of that wasn’t enough, right before I left work on Friday, the news was reporting about a Mobile Police Officer being stabbed by a prisoner and that the prisoner had taken the officer’s gun and car. By the time I got home thirty minutes later, the suspect had crashed the car and was hiding (either under or in) a house and had shot two more officers. The news continued to stay on this story, instead of going to regular programming, until around 7:00 p.m. You can get more information on this awful tragedy by checking out Fox 10‘s website. The officer that was stabbed, Officer Steven Green, did not make it and the suspect did not make it out alive either. This just added more feelings of disbelief, hurt and compassion to the week.

I’m reminded of the message from last Sunday morning – Where is God in all this? HE IS RIGHT HERE WITH ME – and, if you’re His child, He’s with you, too! Here’s a question I wrote in my notes from last Sunday morning – How would I respond to situations if I TRULY realized that God is with me even though the circumstances may not show that? Do I tend to get bitter in bad situations or do I make the best of it, KNOWING He is with me? (Psalm 23:4 / II Corinthians 4:16 Genesis 50:20 / Romans 8:28)

I didn’t too well this past week in remembering that as often as I should have. I am, however, glad that He has reminded me of it today as I was working on this post. He reminded me that He has it all under control – even the paychecks – and no matter what happens, HE is with me and I can rest in Him. I have to remember this other note from last week’s message, too: Sometimes instead of taking away the pain, He gives me the promise of His presence. There’s that word again – PROMISE – my word for 2012, which is why I bolded and underlined it. And, no, I DON’T believe in coincidence.

I don’t know if this post was for anyone but me today. It has helped me sort through a lot of things, though, and I am grateful that He reminded me of His presence. In my humanness, it is so easy to forget that He is always there.

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If you want to see what having a pure heart for God can do for you, read the following that was posted by Dusty’s mother, Dee Propst, on her Facebook wall today (Monday, Feb. 6, 2012) around noon (posted here with her permission):

 We prayed for GOD’S WILL to be done in the hospital. We prayed for God to heal Dusty. We prayed for God to heal Dusty completely and leave Dusty with us. We prayed for strength. We prayed for love, forgiveness, we prayed and God gave us miracle after miracle, after miracle. God is good to us. God showed us love through all of this. Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, Son of God, is in control of everything we do in life. Dusty was borrowed from God 21 + years ago. Jesus needed him back, so when God gets ready for us we will join them in heaven. God is in control of life. God answers prayers, maybe not the way we want or understand, but we have to realize God’s plan is perfect. We accept God and His mercy. We will worship, praise, honor, and give thanks to God because He is Awesome and is in control of all life’s storms.

 
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It is only by the grace and mercy of our Lord, Jesus Christ, that she is able to say those words and truly mean them. If you would like to leave a comment of encouragement for her or let her know how her words ministered to you here, I will see that she gets it.

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4 Responses to "HE IS WITH ME"

Kathryn, I am so sorry for this loss in your life and from your childhood. Powerful post.

I have been there – in that place that Dusty’s mother is in. Her faith is holding her up right now. Faith is a powerful thing. The shock of it is holding her together. She will need much prayer as time goes on and people start pulling away and getting back to their normal activities.

25 years ago God was with me (us) when my 15 y/o son died in an accident. I prayed as I had never prayed before. I bargained with God and tried to make every deal I could. After his death over and over his presence was felt. But over and over I felt so alone and isolated and wondered where God was. God has used this for my husband and I to minister to other parents who have just lost their children.

6 years ago God was with me when my husband miraculously survived a multiple trauma that the trauma surgeons say that no one could possibly survive. God presence was real during the long recovery.

Our God will not fail you and will not fail Dusty’s family.

I’m proof that God sometimes (as you said) takes away the pain and sometimes gives us the promise of His presence. God was and is with me!

I will be praying for you.

Janet,

Thank you SO much for your kind, encouraging words. Please accept my apology for taking so long to reply. No excuse really, except that I’ve just had a lot going on – including helping to start a new blog site for our local Celebrate Recovery group. (You can check it out at atmorecelebraterecovery.wordpress.com, if you’d like) I’m definitely no pro at this but I LOVE trying!

I can’t imagine the pain you’ve been through, but as we learn at CR and as you’ve learned through living it, GOD NEVER WASTES A HURT – and, in that, we can take comfort.

Thank you for sharing your sufferings with me – I know it must have been hard and I am deeply touched that you would do that.

I will be praying for you also 🙂

Kathryn, My heart was breaking while I was reading your post, and yet there was joy too, because you were looking past the right now and seeing the right here…where He is. Your post was not a coincidence. It spoke to lots of things I’ve been going through. 1/29 – my birthday, 1/31 – 1 year since my mom died, 2/5 – Sunday morning, I spoke at church as a short memorial to my mom, introducing the special music, the man that sang at her funeral, I spoke about the song he was going to sing, He is Here, and reminded everyone that no matter what the circumstance you were going through, no matter who comes into or out of lives….He is here, right now. My prayers continue to be with you.

Deborah,

Thank you so much for your sweet words – they were definitely confirmation that the post was, indeed, to help someone else besides me. And how about the words from Dusty’s Mom at the end? Oh! My! I am amazed at her faith and her strength through her son’s injuries, stay in the hospital and then death. She is a HUGE inspiration to me and many others. I will be praying for you, also, Deborah. Thank you, again, for letting me know that this helped you.

In His Love,
Kathryn

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