flashthoughts

Archive for the ‘EASTER’ Category

I LET IT SLIP AWAYToday I was asked to find a poem for someone about Christ rising from the dead. So, of course, I went to Google and started searching. I found some nice ones, some really good ones, but they weren’t about Christ rising from the dead. After reading a few, I heard something and tried to dismiss it. Something – or should I say Someone – was telling me I could do this. I could write something, if I would just get quiet and listen. Search the scriptures and listen. So, I did – search the scriptures and listen, that is – and before too long, it was written. Little did I know it was only the beginning of something my Father wanted to show me.

I wanted to attend a Communion Service tonight because, frankly, it has been a while since I’ve taken Communion and I felt I needed it. I have to be honest, I believe this is the first time I have ever felt I needed it. Don’t get me wrong – I always love it when I get to share in Communion, but I think it was always just something I do because I’m a Christian. Yes, I know it is something to be done very reverently and in the right manner and attitude, but, at the same time, even though I thought I was partaking in the right manner and attitude before, I now know that I wasn’t. Do I feel ‘condemned’ about that? Absolutely not! Why? Because God knows my heart and He knows I was not aware of what I had been doing – until tonight. Tonight, He revealed to me something huge about my relationship with Him. It hurt me to realize what I had been doing and yet, even in His correction, which I was ready and willing to accept, I could feel His deep, deep love for me.

What is it that He showed me about my relationship with Him? He showed me, as much as I love Him and as much as I thought I had been honoring Him, I was wrong. He took me back and showed me I had become a little ‘too comfortable’. Yes, He loves me and yes, He tells me I can come to Him at any time with any problem, big or small; but, He also reminded me I still need to keep my awe and reverence for Him intact. I can’t let myself become so comfortable with Him that I forget what He did for me. How He sent His ONLY SON to die for ME! His Son didn’t just die for me – He died a horrible, gruesome, cruel death and He would have done it even if I had been the only person on earth!

Lately, I have started hurriedly reading through Bible passages, just so I could get done and say, ‘I did it! I got my Bible reading done! WOO HOO!” I get up on Sunday mornings and go to church because it is the ‘right’ thing to do and because I do enjoy worshipping my Father. However, even in that worship, I find my mind so easily drifting to other things and not staying focused on my Father. I know that is a tactic the enemy uses on many of us, but I am only speaking of myself here, because I am responsible for me. What I’m saying about me is I don’t even think I can blame my lack of focus on the enemy. I am the one who seems to have forgotten Who it is I am worshipping and how worthy of my awe, reverence and total focus He is!

All I could do tonight, as He was pointing these things out to me, was cry. I shed many tears of sorrow in the realization of what I have been doing. The whole time He was showing me what I needed to correct, He was also loving on me and, as I asked for His forgiveness, He was lavishly giving it, just as He promised He always would.

I know the change won’t happen overnight. My loss of awe and respect didn’t happen overnight. It was a gradual change and one I didn’t even notice. I will be asking and seeking Him daily to help me regain that which I let slip away. I know He will be patient with me and help me regain the awe and reverence I lost.

All this because someone asked me to do a seemingly simple task. One thing I’m learning is to do my best to be aware when He is trying to get my attention. He got it today and then gave me that feeling of urgency to attend Communion tonight, where He knew I would be still, quiet and ready to listen to Him.

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Something has been lurking in the back of my mind all day today. Earlier I attempted to post it as a status on Facebook but, as I began to type, it began to grow. So, I left it alone, hoping I would have a chance to get back to it later in the day. Well, it is definitely later in the day (10:00 p.m. to be exact – lol). Even though I know what is going through my mind, I am still struggling with trying to put it into words. I decided to just start typing and ask the Lord to pour the words out. I think the best place to start is at the beginning….

I accepted Jesus as my Savior many years ago, when I was a young teenager. I’ve ‘celebrated’ many Good Fridays and Resurrection Days (Easter) since that time. Yet, when I woke up this morning, I was experiencing feelings that I do not ever remember having before. I felt such a sadness and I didn’t know why, at first. As I went about getting ready for work and thinking about it being Good Friday, it dawned on me. It IS Good Friday to me and many others because we know that, even though this was a day of great suffering for Jesus, He rose again and lives in Heaven with His and our Father and is preparing a place for us. But my mind just kept thinking about the day it actually happened all those years ago. The despair those people must have felt as they saw Jesus hang on the cross and die. Yes, they had been told by Him that He would “rebuild the Temple in three days” but they didn’t understand what He was saying to them.

I realized I was experiencing a true grieving – for what those early Christians must have been going through on that day and for the sacrifice and true suffering that my Savior, Jesus Christ, went through on that day all because He loved me! In my head, I know what Jesus did for me, how He suffered for me and died for me, and it hurts my heart to think of what He went through – all for me. (He did it for YOU, too, just in case you are wondering.)

A few years ago when the movie, The Passion of the Christ, came out, I managed to sit through it. There were a lot of places (and I mean a LOT of places) where I had to close my eyes or turn my head or just look down. I was surprised that I made it through the movie because I have never even been able to attend Easter plays at a church because it bothers me so much to see even an extremely light re-enactment of what He suffered for me!

However, I attended a local church’s presentation last Sunday night, The Passion Play, for the very first time. They have been doing this for many years but I’ve never gone before because I know my nerves can’t handle it. It quite literally makes my heart feel as if it is going to burst right out of my chest – and what is presented is extremely mild compared to what He must have actually suffered!

As I said earlier, I know in my head that He suffered but, even though we can read about it and some can do their best to ‘re-enact’ it, I wonder if my heart will ever truly be able to comprehend it? I don’t think it will because I think it really is too horrific for me to handle.

Maybe all my feelings today were brought on because of the play I attended last Sunday night. Maybe they were brought on because I have been drawing closer to Him this last year through CR (Celebrate Recovery). Maybe I’ll never really know WHY or WHERE they came from. I only know that all day long today I have felt a sadness that I could not explain, one that I’ve never felt before, yet it wasn’t  for anything that had happened in ‘my little world’. This sadness, or grief, was for all those people so long ago that truly did not have the same assurance that I have today. They weren’t able to say, “It may be Friday but Sunday’s on the way” because I don’t think any of them knew (ahead of time) what was going to happen on Sunday.

In The Message Bible, Matthew 28:5-10 is translated this way: The angel spoke to the women: “There is nothing to fear here. I know you’re looking for Jesus, the One they nailed to the cross. He is not here. He was raised, just as He said. Come and look at the place where He was placed. Now, get on your way quickly and tell His disciples, ‘He is risen from the dead. He is going on ahead of you to Galilee. You will see Him there.’ That’s the message.” The women, deep in wonder and full of joy, lost no time in leaving the tomb. They ran to tell the disciples. Then Jesus met them, stopping them in their tracks. “Good morning!” He said. They fell to their knees, embraced His feet and worshiped Him. Jesus said, “You’re holding on to Me for dear life! Don’t be frightened like that. Go tell My brothers that they are to go to Galilee and that I’ll meet them there.”

So it makes me wonder, was it a Good Friday for them or was it just plain awful? They didn’t realize the joy until Sunday. What do you think? Do you have any thoughts about this? I’d love to hear them, if you do. And now I’m going very “old school” because there’s a powerful song that Carman sings and I’d like to share it with you. If you’ve never heard of Carman or never heard this song – listen to it now – you won’t regret it. If you know who Carman is and you HAVE heard this song before – listen again anyway and remember that even though it’s Friday night…….Sunday’s on the way! Praise the Lord!!!


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