flashthoughts

Posts Tagged ‘Celebrate Recovery

Are you ever frightened or startled by a loud noise or sudden movement? I know I have been in the past but I hope, one day, to get to the place where I’m not. Sit back, get comfortable and let me explain what I’m talking about.

You all know by now that I attend Celebrate Recovery. You may not know, however, that we say the Serenity Prayer every time we meet. Last night we were given a challenge. I was actually given this challenge nearly a year ago but was just beginning to attend CR at that time and didn’t take the time to complete it. What was the challenge? To stop and REALLY take a look at the Serenity Prayer and come to truly understand how powerful it is and what it means to me. Do a “Serenity Check-Up”. As soon as the challenge was given, the thought went through my head “I need to do this during my quiet time in the mornings until I get it finished.”

So, I sat down this morning to get started and was immediately at a loss as to how to answer the very first question: “What does the “serenity” that you are asking God for look or feel like? Describe it in as much detail as you can.” Really? Is this thing serious? I had absolutely NO idea how to answer this question and was going to skip it and move on to the next question; but, the Holy Spirit nudged me and seemed to ask, “Why don’t you pray about it?” So I did. I asked God, “What DOES serenity look like?” All of a sudden, I knew I was supposed to look up the word – I mean, DUH! How can I know what something is supposed to look like if I can’t even define it to myself or anyone else? Serenity is one of those words where I tend to say, “Oh, you know what I’m talking about. It’s hard to explain in actual words, but you know what I mean, right?”

Then, before I could look it up in the dictionary, this happened……

BOTH my cats decided to plop themselves right on top of my notebook causing me to make a choice:  Shoo them down off my desk or enjoy the moment for however long it may last. I chose to enjoy. Patches (the white one) is pretty much ALWAYS ready for attention; but, Slinky has ALWAYS been the “typical” independent cat. However, she seems to be changing a little lately and seems to want  more attention.

As I began to pet them and they were purring their sweet little purrs, it dawned on me what a perfect picture of serenity this is. Yet, at the same time, I knew, if there was a loud noise (or ANY sudden noise) or something as simple as a door opening, their ‘serenity’ would be GONE. The cats jumped down and I looked up the word serenity. Here’s what I found: The quality or state of being serene. Yes, that led me to look up the word serene. Here’s what I found there: 1a – Clear & free of storms or unpleasant change, b-Shining bright & steady / 2 – Used as part of a title (His Serene Highness) / 3 – Marked by or suggestive of utter calm and unruffled repose (rest) or quietude. Synonyms of Serene are: Arcadian, calm, hushed, peaceful, placid, restful, quiet, still, stilly, tranquil

Truly my cats had been peaceful and utterly calm. But as I stated above, I knew the slightest disruption to the quiet moment would cause their ‘serenity’ to be gone in a heartbeat, which ‘dominoed’ my thinking to me and my serenity. I can be very peaceful and calm, feeling God’s presence all around me until there is a loud noise (most often in the form of a trial) or something as simple as Him opening a door to lead me somewhere new. Suddenly, I am no longer serene but frightened.

NOW I can answer the question! Now I KNOW that when I ask God to grant me serenity, I’m asking Him to help me get to the place where I’m not so easily frightened by the new or unexpected. I’m asking Him to help me get to Philippians 4:7 as a way of life: “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

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Something has been lurking in the back of my mind all day today. Earlier I attempted to post it as a status on Facebook but, as I began to type, it began to grow. So, I left it alone, hoping I would have a chance to get back to it later in the day. Well, it is definitely later in the day (10:00 p.m. to be exact – lol). Even though I know what is going through my mind, I am still struggling with trying to put it into words. I decided to just start typing and ask the Lord to pour the words out. I think the best place to start is at the beginning….

I accepted Jesus as my Savior many years ago, when I was a young teenager. I’ve ‘celebrated’ many Good Fridays and Resurrection Days (Easter) since that time. Yet, when I woke up this morning, I was experiencing feelings that I do not ever remember having before. I felt such a sadness and I didn’t know why, at first. As I went about getting ready for work and thinking about it being Good Friday, it dawned on me. It IS Good Friday to me and many others because we know that, even though this was a day of great suffering for Jesus, He rose again and lives in Heaven with His and our Father and is preparing a place for us. But my mind just kept thinking about the day it actually happened all those years ago. The despair those people must have felt as they saw Jesus hang on the cross and die. Yes, they had been told by Him that He would “rebuild the Temple in three days” but they didn’t understand what He was saying to them.

I realized I was experiencing a true grieving – for what those early Christians must have been going through on that day and for the sacrifice and true suffering that my Savior, Jesus Christ, went through on that day all because He loved me! In my head, I know what Jesus did for me, how He suffered for me and died for me, and it hurts my heart to think of what He went through – all for me. (He did it for YOU, too, just in case you are wondering.)

A few years ago when the movie, The Passion of the Christ, came out, I managed to sit through it. There were a lot of places (and I mean a LOT of places) where I had to close my eyes or turn my head or just look down. I was surprised that I made it through the movie because I have never even been able to attend Easter plays at a church because it bothers me so much to see even an extremely light re-enactment of what He suffered for me!

However, I attended a local church’s presentation last Sunday night, The Passion Play, for the very first time. They have been doing this for many years but I’ve never gone before because I know my nerves can’t handle it. It quite literally makes my heart feel as if it is going to burst right out of my chest – and what is presented is extremely mild compared to what He must have actually suffered!

As I said earlier, I know in my head that He suffered but, even though we can read about it and some can do their best to ‘re-enact’ it, I wonder if my heart will ever truly be able to comprehend it? I don’t think it will because I think it really is too horrific for me to handle.

Maybe all my feelings today were brought on because of the play I attended last Sunday night. Maybe they were brought on because I have been drawing closer to Him this last year through CR (Celebrate Recovery). Maybe I’ll never really know WHY or WHERE they came from. I only know that all day long today I have felt a sadness that I could not explain, one that I’ve never felt before, yet it wasn’t  for anything that had happened in ‘my little world’. This sadness, or grief, was for all those people so long ago that truly did not have the same assurance that I have today. They weren’t able to say, “It may be Friday but Sunday’s on the way” because I don’t think any of them knew (ahead of time) what was going to happen on Sunday.

In The Message Bible, Matthew 28:5-10 is translated this way: The angel spoke to the women: “There is nothing to fear here. I know you’re looking for Jesus, the One they nailed to the cross. He is not here. He was raised, just as He said. Come and look at the place where He was placed. Now, get on your way quickly and tell His disciples, ‘He is risen from the dead. He is going on ahead of you to Galilee. You will see Him there.’ That’s the message.” The women, deep in wonder and full of joy, lost no time in leaving the tomb. They ran to tell the disciples. Then Jesus met them, stopping them in their tracks. “Good morning!” He said. They fell to their knees, embraced His feet and worshiped Him. Jesus said, “You’re holding on to Me for dear life! Don’t be frightened like that. Go tell My brothers that they are to go to Galilee and that I’ll meet them there.”

So it makes me wonder, was it a Good Friday for them or was it just plain awful? They didn’t realize the joy until Sunday. What do you think? Do you have any thoughts about this? I’d love to hear them, if you do. And now I’m going very “old school” because there’s a powerful song that Carman sings and I’d like to share it with you. If you’ve never heard of Carman or never heard this song – listen to it now – you won’t regret it. If you know who Carman is and you HAVE heard this song before – listen again anyway and remember that even though it’s Friday night…….Sunday’s on the way! Praise the Lord!!!

I went to church for Celebrate Recovery. Mom went to the funeral home for the wake of the wife of a friend of ours that we used to go to church with. So, I’m in church, singing along with the worship songs and someone taps me on the shoulder. I turned, expecting it to be someone from church needing me for something, but there was this guy that I’ve never seen before. So, my mind is trying to process who he is and why he’s tapping me on the shoulder (all in the space of about a millisecond) and I hear him say, “We’ve got your Mom at the hospital.” Let me just take a second here and say to any men that might be reading this – NEVER start a sentence like that to someone! LOL He went on to say, “She fell and she’s ok but she’s at the emergency room.” See, guys, what he SHOULD have said FIRST was “She’s okay but your Mom fell and she’s at the emergency room.” So, needless to say, I immediately left church and went to the ER to be with Mom.

When I got there she told me what happened. She was leaving the funeral home and, instead of looking down as she was walking like she always does, she was looking up at the cars to make sure she went to the right car. There was a car very similar to hers parked right beside her and she was making sure she went to the right car. That’s why she didn’t see the parking lot curb and she tripped over it. Apparently, just as she fell or right before she fell, a nurse had pulled into the parking lot and parked. Mom said before she could even think about trying to get up or anything that nurse was right there, helping her and getting her situated the way she needed to be. Another couple was there very quick also and was helping her. She said God just had people all around helping her. They brought a chair outside for her to sit in and the nurse told her that the cut on her hand would definitely need stitches and that she may need some in her forehead, too. The couple that had come to help told Mom they could take her to the hospital or they could call an ambulance, whichever she wanted. She said that, if they were sure they didn’t mind, she’d rather just have them take her so she could go on instead of having to wait for an ambulance to get there. Although, she jokingly told them at first that if her glasses weren’t messed up she could just get in her car and drive herself! LOL Turns out that couple were the ones that owned the car right next to Mom’s that looked similar to hers! So she didn’t even have to walk far to get to their car. They took her to the hospital and the lady stayed with Mom while her husband came to get me.

It was a little after 7 when I got to the hospital. I took over holding the gauze to Mom’s head so the lady and her husband could go ahead and leave. Oh – and this lady also works at Baptist Hospital but in Pensacola, not the one in Atmore. She wasn’t a nurse though. Her name was Vanessa and her husband’s name is Mike. He works at EscoFab and apparently goes to Grace Fellowship but I’ve never met him before. You can be sure I will be looking for him Sunday, though! What nice people they are! The nurses name was Nora but that’s all we know. Sure wish I knew her last name and how to get in touch with her to thank her for what she did for my Mom, but I’m not worried about it. God knows who she is and I’ve asked Him to bless her in a way that I would never be able to and I know He will 🙂

The people in the emergency room were all very nice and treated Mom wonderfully! They cleaned her up as best they could – you know how head wounds bleed really bad even if the wound isn’t all that bad – and there was blood everywhere. The doctor, Dr. Sharp, checked her over good and then they took her to have x-rays and a cat scan done just to be sure everything was okay.

She came back from the x-rays and cat scan and then just had to sit there and wait til the doctor could get back to her to stitch up her head and her hand. He got her head stitched up first – 10 stitches – and then moved to work on her hand. He wasn’t quite sure how he was going to get to it because it is on the side of her left hand where she was trying catch herself where it was cut. He got it figured out and the nurse was standing at Mom’s head, cleaning up where he had put the stitches in and getting ready to put the dressing (bandage) on it. While she was cleaning up Mom’s head, my friend Beth got to the ER. She came and sat with us because she was going to take me to get Mom’s car, once we got Mom settled at home. When Beth and I walked back in where Mom was, I noticed the nurse wasn’t there and I was wondering where she’d gone. Next thing I knew she was back and was behind Mom again, WASHING HER HAIR! Talk about going above and beyond the call of duty – WOW! Her doing that also helped keep Mom’s mind off the doctor stitching up her hand.

All finished and ready to go home – at around 10:00 or a little after – and we were heading out of the emergency room when the nurse (Michelle) that had been helping the doctor made the comment about not living here. I asked her where she lived and she said “Loxley”! I told her that’s where my sister and my baby brother live – turns out she knows my baby brother! It is indeed a small, small world we live in. I told her I would be sure to tell my brother how good she treated our Mom. (And then I promptly forgot to tell him when I called him this morning to tell him what had happened! LOL)

We got Mom home and then Beth took me to the funeral home so I could get Mom’s car and bring it home. Poor Beth had no idea she would be going home SO late last night, but I sure do appreciate her generosity and willingness to be of help. Also want to mention that there was another friend waiting in the emergency room waiting area when we came out last night – Lounette was there to make sure I had a way to go get Mom’s car once I got her home. I truly appreciated that, also.

Neither Mom nor I could go straight to bed when we got home so we were up for a little while. Mom went to her bedroom around 11:00 or a little after and I was finally able to get in bed a little after midnight.

Hezekiah didn’t get to go to bed with his “Mommy” last night and I think he missed her 😦

I think he may be laying “paws” on her hand and praying for her – what do you think? 😉

It was truly a long night, but we are so thankful that God placed so many AMAZING people in my Mom’s path that were so willing to help, even though they didn’t know her at all! As for everyone working in the Atmore Emergency Room, that we had any dealings with last night – Dr. Sharp, Michelle, Jessica N – they were ALL just FAB. U. LOUS!

Before closing, I also have to add that Mom thinks it is quite funny that her foot doctor’s name is Dr. Dull (no kidding) and her doctor last night was Dr. Sharp! Too funny!

Love y’all!

Letting go – I didn’t think I had a problem with this. Seriously, I didn’t. I’ve heard people talk about how hard it was to ‘let go’ of their children when they had to take them to that first day of school but I didn’t have a problem with that at all. Probably because I’ve always had to work so I never had the privilege of being able to stay home with my little one – I was used to having to say goodbye in the morning and not see her again til late that evening. Even when she graduated and went to college two hours away, I didn’t really think of that as having to ‘let go’ either. I mean, it was only two hours away and that’s really not that far in this age that we live in. Not to mention, we had web cam and could ‘visit’ pretty much any time anyway.

I think instances like that is what gave me the false belief that I didn’t have trouble letting go. God, however, has been revealing something much different to me lately. I’ve had to reevaluate some things this year, I thought due to finances, but I’m realizing that was just God’s way of making me take a closer look at things. For the last couple of years, I have volunteered at several women’s events and last year He even allowed me to attend two events as an attendee and not a volunteer. I know He used all those events to stretch me and give me the opportunity to allow Him to slowly move me in the direction He had planned for me. I didn’t see it then; but, I am beginning to see it now. Because He slowly brought me to where I am today, I am more receptive to what He has in store for me. Had I not taken the opportunities He gave me to grow, I know I would never have been able to even think that I could do what He is asking me to do now.

What does all that have to do with me not being able to ‘let go’? It seems that I got ‘comfortable’ working at the women’s events and, in looking back, I think it made me feel ‘accepted’. Something I’ve never felt that much, as anyone who has read my story knows. I am beginning to see that my not being able to volunteer at the events this year was simply His way of showing me that I need to let go of that now and move on to the other things He is calling me to do. As I was cleaning and reorganizing my desk yesterday, I kept coming across different cards and other things I had collected from these events. Things from people I don’t even really know; yet, I believe I kept hanging on to them simply because, in some weird kind of way, it made me feel someone out there cared about me on some level. Yes, I know, I am very strange. The Lord continues to show me just how much I have still, unconsciously, been trying to find acceptance – somewhere, anywhere – it seems I still long for that ever-allusive acceptance. I began to recognize this more and more as I was cleaning and I began to chunk cards, notes, etc. in the trash. It seemed the more I put in the trash, the lighter and freer I began to feel. I could not believe how freeing it was to LET GO!!!

It seemed that with each thing that went in the trash, He brought to my mind something or someone who is close to me and allowed me to realize I AM accepted – and accepted for who I am, just the way I am. And yet, the main thing He made me realize was this: Even if I was never accepted anywhere by anyone, it really isn’t that big of a deal, after all. Why? Because I KNOW that HE LOVES ME and HE ACCEPTS ME just as I am – flaws, scars and all, and He will always be here for me.

The really neat thing about that? HE IS HERE FOR YOU, TOO!!! No matter what you may be going through, no matter how unlovely you may feel or think you are, no matter how worthless you may think you are, you MUST remember this one thing – He would not have given up His life for you unless He loved and cared about you. You ARE special! You ARE accepted! You ARE loveable!

I’m reminded of the words that Anne Graham Lotz shared: He is the Savior who has redeemed me, the Lord who rules my life, The King who will return for me and He is the most important man in the UNIVERSE! He is the God man. Jesus Christ is THE MOST IMPORTANT MAN IN THE UNIVERSE FOR EVER and EVER and EVER and the most important man in ALL the universe for EVER and EVER and EVER thinks that YOU are so important that He gave His own blood to redeem you. He gave His life for you. How can you feel unimportant? You are significant to THE MOST IMPORTANT MAN IN ALL THE UNIVERSE.

So God has given both His promise and His oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to Him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary. ~ Hebrews 6:18-19

God never wastes a hurt: I borrowed that line from Celebrate Recovery because it is SO true!

I was born in Pensacola, Florida. I have an older sister and brother and a younger brother. I was also blessed with the most wonderful parents a person could have, too. When I was in the first grade, my parents moved us all to Bay Minette, Alabama. I finished first grade there and continued through third grade. Then, we moved again during the summer and I attended Crossroads School for the fourth grade. During those years I don’t remember being really introverted. I guess I wasn’t what you would call extremely ‘outgoing’ but I had a lot of friends and enjoyed spending time with them.

Then it happened. We made what would turn out to be our last move for many, many years. During the summer before my fifth grade year we moved to a very small town, which wasn’t so bad until school started. That is when everything began to change for me. It’s true the last school I had been in was a small school, also. However, everyone was just as friendly as could be and it was not a problem. This new school was very different though. If you didn’t have one of a few certain last names or if you weren’t there from Day One, you were considered a nobody and you were treated as such by most of the kids. That is when I experienced what Sheri Rose Shepherd calls “Identity Theft”. (If you don’t know anything about Sheri Rose, please go check her out by clicking on her name.) I allowed the things they said about me and the names they called me to define who I was. I realize now, that I was not ‘outgoing’ enough to stand up and defend myself against the verbal attacks, so I chose to withdraw instead. Since we didn’t move any more, I attended that school through the ninth grade, which was as far as it went. In tenth grade, everyone that lived in our area attended high school in Bay Minette. I was happy to be going back to that school. I had loved it when I was there in elementary school. Unfortunately, things weren’t like they were when I attended elementary school. One bright note, though, was that in tenth grade I reconnected with a friend from third grade. She actually remembered me (though I’m not sure I remembered her – lol) and we became very good friends and still are to this day, even though she now lives far away in Virginia. I miss you, Denise!

I guess I should also say that at some point in my junior high years, I asked Jesus into my heart. I can’t remember exactly how old I was or what grade I was in and I don’t remember the exact date; but, I can tell you to this day who was standing beside me because I remember asking her if she wanted to go with me. She was afraid to go; but, I went anyway. Back then the only thing that was talked about was ‘getting saved’, being baptized, becoming a member of the church and then a long list of DON’Ts! You didn’t hear anything about having a RELATIONSHIP with Christ like we do now.

I graduated in 1977 and was sure life would get better once I could be out on my own. Wrong! It’s sad to say, but like so many others, I was still suffering from my identity theft. I had been treated like I didn’t matter and been shown that I wasn’t wanted around for so long, that I believed that as truth. I naturally assumed that I wasn’t wanted anywhere and that no one, other than family, wanted me around.

In November 1980 I met the man that would become my husband. He was in the Air Force and on his way to Japan when we met. He came to visit me in February 1981, asked me to marry him and we were married that same month before he had to go back to Japan. Yes, I did love him and still do; but, I didn’t really have a relationship with the Lord then and I never even thought about asking Him if this is what I was supposed to do. I went to church and called myself a Christian but, as I said before, I had no clue what a relationship with Him was like. Anyway, even though I was ‘in love’, I think the main reason I agreed to marry him so soon is because I was surprised that anyone would even want to marry me. After all, I thought I was “not wanted” for so many years that I think I was truly afraid that no one else would ever ask me and I wanted to be married and have children. That’s what most young women want, right?

So, we were married and he went back to Japan until September. Then he was assigned to a base in Georgia and he came home and we moved to Georgia. We were married for ten years and had a beautiful daughter in the fourth year of our marriage. Many things happened that led to the death of our marriage but I am glad to say that God has brought us back to the place where we can be friends again.

I moved back home to Alabama in July 1990 and my Dad helped me find a house for myself and Jessica (my daughter) and it was just us two for the next fourteen years. Jessica graduated in 2004 and after that she made some not-so-wise choices that eventually led to her moving to Georgia to live with her Dad and Stepmom sometime in 2006. On July 20th of that same year, God FINALLY got through to my heart. If you want to read about that, just go to My Testimony page and it is there. For this posting, I will just tell you that is when I had the most wonderful experience that I can EVER remember. That is the night when I finally understood that God TRULY loved me for ME and that it was okay for me to love me and that He just might have someone else out there that would love me.

In April 2007, He introduced me to Jeffery Champion. We became friends and that is all I was interested in being. One night as we were talking on the phone, Jeff said something that I didn’t react to very well. He said something along the lines of he just might have to “court” me. I let him know in no uncertain terms that I was not interested in that. However, that night as I lay in my bed trying to go to sleep, I was reminded of the prayer I had prayed back on July 20, 2006. I told the Lord, “I’m open to whatever it is You have in store for me.” And I really felt like He was asking me why I had been so quick to reject Jeff. Like He was asking me if I meant what I said to Him in my prayer. So, the next time I spoke to Jeff, I apologized for what I had said and told him I would be open to the idea, if he was truly interested. As you can tell from my name, he was interested – lol. This time it was totally different for me. I truly felt that the Lord had put us together. To this day, I still believe that. However, I also know that the Lord is a gentleman and will NOT override man’s (or woman’s) free will. One month before our first year anniversary, Jeff decided he didn’t want to be married anymore. Instead of celebrating our first anniversary on April 8, 2008, I was served with divorce papers toward the end of that month. I went through all the emotions – anger, sadness, guilt and I even grieved for a time. We didn’t actually go to court for the divorce until over a year later. The day before our court date, I spent the entire day in the prayer room at church and asked God to show me what I needed to do. I pleaded with Him to save my marriage, if it was at all possible. He gave me words from many different scriptures that day and through other means, also. I knew what I was to do. The next day at the courthouse, Jeff and I were given time to talk with each other, alone, to see if we could come to an agreement on our own. I had several things I shared with him that I felt led to share and I also offered to quit my State job, only five years away from retirement, and move to Georgia with him, if he really felt that was where he was supposed to be. But he wanted no part of it – or he wanted no part of me anyway. Once again, I was being rejected. It seemed no matter how hard I tried or what I did, I just wasn’t good enough one more time.

There was one thing a little bit different this time, though. The month after Jeff left, God began showing me that I was not alone. He used many different ways to let me know there are SO many hurting women out there. So many of us that have believed the lie of shyness and “you’re not good enough” from the enemy for many years. This gave me a strength and a courage that I never had before. I began to feel that He was calling me to do something. I had no idea what, but SOMETHING. I felt He was getting me ready for a new direction in some type of ministry – women’s ministry maybe. I’m still not completely sure what He has in mind, but since I began going to Celebrate Recovery, it may be something there. I always joke and say the Lord ‘tricked’ me into going to Celebrate Recovery (CR) because I went with someone else to support them. I thought I didn’t have any reason to be going to CR since I’d never had a problem with drugs or alcohol or anything like that. I did not realize that it was about so much more than that. It’s not just for people who have had or have addictions – it’s for ANYONE that has ever suffered a hurt or hang-up as well.

Just want to insert a little note here – when I was growing up, my family, and everyone else for that matter, called me Kathy. Well, the first job I had in Georgia was in a small office (three people) and there was already a ‘Kathy’ that worked there. They asked would I mind if they called me Kathryn to keep everything straight and I said I didn’t mind at all. Then, the next job I took in Georgia had a similar situation so I continued to go by Kathryn. I never really thought much about this until I was working through the Step Studies with CR. The Lord showed me that the reason I like going by my given name, Kathryn, instead of my nickname, Kathy, is because I associate the nickname with the rejection I received when I was in school. Yes, my family mostly still calls me by my nickname and that doesn’t really bother me so much, but it’s nice to understand why I now prefer to be called by my given name, Kathryn.

God is where I get my strength but He is helping me learn how to do that even better by going through the step studies at Celebrate Recovery. He has surrounded me with people that I know truly care about me. Even though I had a church where I was happy and ‘comfortable’, He wanted me to grow even more. He wanted to ‘stretch’ me and He gave me a new church family at Grace Fellowship. As I look back, I believe that was just the beginning of Him continuing to give me the strength needed for my journey.

Anyway, that’s kind of where I am today – still trying to be available to Him and be sensitive to where He is calling and leading me. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that I’m “over it” now because I’m not. I still battle with my automatic assumption that people don’t want me around, though I am working on it and making some progress. I still battle the enemy when he starts telling me his lies such as, “You don’t need to go to that gathering. They don’t want you there. They’ll never even know if you don’t go. They certainly won’t miss you. A blog? What? You really think you have anything worth saying? You’re not a blogger. You don’t write every day. No one cares what you have to say. You don’t even know how to explain or express yourself very well. Why would you even want to try that? A leader? HA! You have never been a leader. What in the world would make you think you could do that? You aren’t good enough.”

But now it is much easier for me to recognize his lies and now I have scriptures and songs stored up to come back with.  One of my favorite verses to come back at the enemy with is: Out of all the people on the face of the earth, the Lord has chosen ME to be His treasured possession. ~ Deuteronomy 14:2 (NIV – and I changed the word ‘you’ to ‘me’) and my favorite song to come back with is “Voice of Truth” by Casting Crowns.

I am learning to count my small victories – every Sunday that I make it to church instead of giving in to the enemy’s lie that no one would miss me if I didn’t go, that is a victory for me and Jesus! Every time that I attend a gathering with the church or even with family, that is a victory for me and Jesus! Every time I go to a Life Group (or small group) meeting, that is a victory for me and Jesus! Every time I attend CR and plow through yet another CR Step Study, that is a victory for me and Jesus! I may get to events or gatherings really early, because I have learned that it is easier for me to be there ahead of the ‘crowd’, but as long as I make it there, that is a victory!

He is doing this for me and I know He can do it for you, too! Do you have anything that you are strugglinig with? Give it to Him and He will show you the way through it. If you’ve never accepted His gift of salvation to you, then why not do it now? You will see that, while life won’t become easy all of a sudden, it is much easier WITH Him than without Him. I would love for you to leave a comment and let me know if my story helped you in any way or just to know that you even read it – lol (oops! Yep, guess the ol’ enemy tried to sneak in there again and make me wonder why I think anyone would even read this anyway!) But, you know what? Even if there isn’t one single person that reads this, it doesn’t matter. It has helped me just to be able to write it and get it out there.

For those of you that did make it through my story, thank you from the bottom of my heart. If you have any questions for me or comments, I would love to hear them.

Love y’all!


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