flashthoughts

Posts Tagged ‘life

christmas-every-day-i-wishAfter reading my devotions this morning, as I do every morning, I began to write in my prayer journal. I say it has turned into more of my “thanksgiving journal” than my prayer journal because, most days, I’m simply thanking Him for various things. Lately, most of my actual prayers are not written – for a few different reasons. This morning, however, turned out to be a little different. Oh, it started out the same – my usual “Good morning Father! Thank You for waking me this morning” then I wrote the words “Christmas Eve” and, after that, I really didn’t even know what I was writing until I finished and read back over it. I felt I should share it and I hope it will touch at least one person’s heart and/or life. I am going to simply share exactly what is written in my journal:

Christmas Eve – the day before we celebrate the day of Your earthly birth – when You chose to put aside Your glory and Your Heavenly home to come and dwell among us AS one of us! My mind is hard-pressed to even BEGIN to comprehend the depth of Your love for ME! There are no words and, even if there were, I don’t know that I would be able to get them down on paper. I feel so inadequate and extremely unqualified to even try – so I pray and I ask You to help me live my life in a way that portrays and conveys what there are no words for – a love with no explanation – a love that can not be explained – a love that only You can give! I want my life to be a life that points others to You and honors You in a way no words can and a life that brings glory to Your Name! Without You, I am nothing and worth nothing; but, WITH YOU, I am unstoppable!

Help me to share the TRUE gift of Christmas every minute of my life – every second You give me breath; for I can not even take a breath without You filling my lungs with air! Help me to remember every day I have is a rare and precious gift FROM You and how I choose to use it is my gift TO You. I want to always be able to give You a lovely gift at the end of every day and, without Your help, even that isn’t possible.

My heart is truly overflowing this morning as I look back over this past year and remember all the wonderful “gifts” You have given me:

  • time spent with family & friends
  • growing love from & for my husband
  • a daughter making her way back to You
  • FREEDOM from my fears

and so many more! With You in my life, I truly can have Christmas every day, as can anyone else!

Thank You for all You have spoken to my heart this morning and, for all I have asked this morning, I ask it in the Precious, Holy Name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth! I love You 🙂

When I left work Tuesday afternoon I was fighting back tears – trying not to give in to the attack that I felt sure the enemy was making on me. I got in my car and noticed there was a bug on my windshield (outside) directly in my field of vision. I thought, “Well, you won’t be there long,” and started on my way. I was too busy trying to figure out why I was being attacked and trying to ‘rationalize’ the attack in my head – you know, ‘Ok. I get it. I understand what’s going on. This is what happened and I’m NOT gonna let it get to me. I am NOT going to cry.’

I got through town and was on the 25 minute stretch headed home. Even though I had let a few tears fall as I was getting through town and heading out, I had it under control now. I was gonna be just fine. Yeah, right! As soon as I thought that, the floodgates opened! LOL I was not just crying – I was sobbing! “Oh poor me! Why does the enemy have to attack me like this? It’s just not fair! I’ve been trying SO hard to do better! Lord, don’t You see? You KNOW I’ve been doing much better and really improved – a LOT! Right? So, why do I feel so awful because I messed up again? Is it because I’m in Celebrate Recovery and trying my best to learn how to deal with all this ‘junk’ from the past? Is it because I finally NAMED my fear and so now it’s being thrown at me from ALL directions? If so, then I don’t know if I want to continue! This is too hard! It hurts too much! Maybe I should just give up!” (All of this while sobbing, uncontrollably)

At this point, I noticed the bug was STILL hanging on to my windshield and it was as if the Lord spoke into my spirit, “See how that bug is hanging on for dear life to your windshield? I want you to hang on to ME like that. Don’t give up. Don’t give in. I’m here for you and I will see you through this. But this is going to be a process and you will HAVE to be willing to hang on to Me just like that bug is hanging on to your windshield. I’ve got you. I’m not gonna let you go.”

WOW! Okay, Father. I’m hanging on but I’m gonna need Your  help. Some days, like today, I feel like the enemy is snatching me away and that I just can’t hold on any longer. But as long as You have me in Your hand, I know I’ll be okay. You will continue to give me strength and help me hold on.

Then about ten minutes away from my house, I was watching the bug and still being amazed at how it was hanging on and then………..it let go! It got THAT close to being home and it let go! It was as if something just snatched it right off the windshield. Again, I felt the Lord whispering to my spirit, “See? Don’t be like that bug. Don’t be SO close to getting ‘home’ with dealing with this fear only to let go and give up and be consumed by it again. Don’t let go. I’ve got you and I’M not letting go of you so don’t you let go of Me either.”

I’m not gonna let go, Father. I want to keep clinging to You! I WANT to learn how to deal with this and still be a shining light for You, whether this ‘thorn’ is ever removed from me or not. Thank You, Father, for reminding me that YOU are with me and that You won’t leave me. As long as I hold on to You, I will make it through this. And thank You for leading me straight to these verses when I got home:

My sheep listen to My voice; I know them and they follow me. I give them eternal life and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of My Father’s hand. I and the Father are One. ~ John 10:27-30 (emphasis mine because that is the part that really grabbed me)

So, no matter how hard the enemy may want and try to “snatch” me (or you) from the Father, he can NOT do it! As long as I (or you) hold on, He will not let go of us. CORRECTION: Even IF you or I DO let go of Him, from time to time, HE WILL NEVER LET GO OF US!!!!

What about you? Has there ever been a time when you just felt like letting go and giving up? Would you leave a comment and share what inspired you to keep going and keep holding on? I’d love to hear it.

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